Source: Sandra 1xbet best casino website , 785-532-4377, sstith@k-state.edu
http://www.k-state.edu/media/mediaguide/bios/stithbio.html
News release prepared by: Jane Marshall, 785-532-1519, jpm2@k-state.edu
Thursday, Feb. 2, 2012
Before the ring: 1xbet best casino website therapist says high-conflict couples have work to do before saying 'I do'
MANHATTAN -- A Kansas State University 1xbet best casino website therapist has Valentine's Day advice for couples contemplating commitments and engagement rings: Mix romance with a generous portion of reality.
The reality is that relationship problems -- drinking, anger, the need to control, hitting -- don't evaporate when couples become engaged or marry, according to Sandra 1xbet best casino website , who has spent more than 15 years developing effective solution-focused therapy methods for high-conflict couples.
"We know that most people in violent relationships had warning signs early in the relationship, but they ignored them," said Stith, a professor of 1xbet best casino website and family therapy in the university's School of Family Studies and Human Services.
Her research has found that 50 to 70 percent of couples who seek counseling have experienced some form of violence in their 1xbet best casino website .
"They wouldn't consider their relationships violent," 1xbet best casino website , "but abuse can be physical, mental, sexual, psychological and/or verbal."
1xbet best casino website suggested specific questions to ask before considering marriage:
* Does he or 1xbet best casino website have the need to control both you and the relationship?
* Does he or 1xbet best casino website anger easily? For example, how does he or 1xbet best casino website react when getting cut off by another driver in traffic? "Most problems with anger focused on other people will eventually be focused on you," 1xbet best casino website said.
* How does he or 1xbet best casino website talk to or about parents and family members? Is he or 1xbet best casino website insulting or hostile to them? The way someone treats his or her parents may provide a glimpse into the way his or her partner will be treated in the future.
* Does he or 1xbet best casino website seem too aggressive and too quick to resort to violence or intimidation?
Partners may think things will get better over time, but they probably won't unless help is sought, 1xbet best casino website .
Drinking is a huge issue in predicting the future of a relationship, 1xbet best casino website said.
"If there is a problem that exacerbates a drinking or other substance abuse problem, it will grow with the stress of 1xbet best casino website and children. Life gets more stressful, not less," Stith said. "Don't hesitate to say, 'Before we get to 1xbet best casino website , you need to address your substance abuse problems. If you can't cut back, we can't be together.'"
1xbet best casino website had other suggestions for high-conflict couples who want to establish long-term relationships:
* Don't rush into 1xbet best casino website . Spend time getting to know each other.
* Participate in premarital counseling or 1xbet best casino website form of relationship counseling before finalizing wedding plans. It's difficult to call off a wedding after the date is set and the dress is purchased.
* Learn how to 1xbet best casino website conflict without allowing it to escalate to name calling or violence.
* Learn to call timeout before a discussion gets heated. "Negotiate this ahead of time," 1xbet best casino website . Plan a calming activity like watching television. Working out with a punching bag and driving away are both bad ideas during a timeout.
* If a partner recognizes that a relationship is becoming destructive, he or 1xbet best casino website should seek help early.
"I'm optimistic. I've seen people who had ugliness in the 1xbet best casino website for 30 years, and they learned how to have conflicts that weren't blaming or insulting. It's never too late or too early," Stith said.
Kansas State University's College of Human Ecology offers a master's and a doctoral program in 1xbet best casino website and family therapy.
